Middle Finger Blog

I watch the movies so you can watch celebrities die.

Did you know that the matinee is only 1 dollar cheaper than a night showing?

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Star Trek - Yeeeeeeeeah…… noooooooo

Ghosts of Girlfriends Past - 40 somethings star in a romantic comedy.  How sweet.

Next Day Air - A African-American comedy involving drug dealers.  Stereotype much?

X-Men Origins: Wolverine - I think you can download this piece of garbage.

Land of the Lost - Who would have thought that a movie remake of a shitty 70’s TV show would be a box office flop.  Honestly, Will Ferrell should just set his hair on fire.

Obsessed - Beyonce is in this movie.  Automatic failure.

Tyson - After seeing this movie, I decided I needed a facial tattoo.

Crank: High Voltage - Seriously .. really?  Another one?

17 Again - Ughh …. another reason to hate Zac Efron.  I think it’s a ripoff of the movie Big.

Terminator Salvation - It’s Terminator 4….

Angels & Demons & Bears…. Oh My!

Dance Flick - It’s a Wayan Brother’s movie.   It’s about dancing. … need I say more?

Management - I would give Jennifer Aniston the best 5 seconds of my life.  One pump chump it.

Imagine That - Imagine … there was a time that Eddie Murphy was an edgy stand up comedian, with specials like: Raw and Delirious.  Now he just churns out garbage kids movies.

Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs - A bunch of douchebag actors get 5 million dollars each,  to voice a character over a weekend.  Seriously John Leguizamo got paid 2 mil for the first one.  And it takes less than 36hours for someone to voice an animated film.

Drag Me to Hell - Fuck this movie.  Live my life for more than 25 minutes and you will learn about hell.

Whatever Works - Apparently not in this shitty Woody Allen movie.

I Hate Valentines Day - So obviously the answer is to make the sequel to My Big Fat Greek Wedding.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen - Megan Fox just needs to get naked.

Public Enemies - This movie looks pretty cool.

The Proposal -  I want to propose to Gianna Michaels.

The Hangover - You know a sure fired way to cure a hangover?  Start drinking again.  Just a slice of advice from an alcoholic.

Up - I’ve heard that this movie and brought grown men to tears.  I never cry.  I don’t know where I’m going with this.

My Sister’s Keeper - Check this one out if you want to see Cameron Diaz in a flesh colored swim cap.

Year One - Seriously .. the weed in California must be off the hook for Jack Black to make this movie.  Check out Airborne if you want to see a better Jack Black flick.  Not even David Cross could have saved this one.

Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian - Ben Stiller and Robin Williams had to pay off their wives credit car bills.

Away We Go - A child molester and a mulatto fall in love and have a baby or something like that.

Brüno - Fake acting and 83 minutes of gay.

I Love You, Beth Cooper - Wow this movie looks bad … but Hayden Panettiere looks fucking nice.

The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 - Apparently the first one with Walter Matthau and Robert Shaw sucked so much they needed to make a new one.  Although, I think I’m the only one who is jealous of Travolta’s moo-stache.

I’ve been sober for over a month.  It sucks.

I’ve been working a new job for a while.  It sucks.  I hate everyone who works there.

I want to bang this anorexic crackhead who works there.  She has platinum blondehair and gets high in the breakroom bathroom.

I saw Apocalypto.  That was good.

I’ve lost 50 pounds.

I’ve been going to strip clubs more.

I’ve been working out and lifting weights.

I’ve been smoking a lot more.  I just bought a cartoon of Marlboro Mediums.

I’m a raging alcoholic.

I hate religious holidays.  I have no alcohol.  I start a new job tommorow.  I’m going insane.  I just need a couple of brews so I can pass out.

I’ve been using twitter a lot lately.  Follow me @ http://twitter.com/ihatecops

also …….. this song kicks major ass

Sometimes in life, you just need to realize you won’t reach your goal.

I know I won’t have sex with the hot russian chick at work.  I know I won’t ever be famous.  I know I won’t ever not be a loser.

Sometimes you just realize things.  Deal with it.

I know I’ll never make more than 50k a year.  I know i’ll die alone.

I suck at life.

I just gave up on goals.  I know I won’t have a 6 pack.  I love Wendy’s too much.

Fuck it

Sometimes I just want to be alone.  I don’t like people.

I hate myself.  What makes you think I like you?

I don’t like the inane vomit that spews from your mouth.  I don’t want to get to know you.  I don’t want to hear about your shitty life.

>I don’t care about your dog.
>I don’t care about your kids.
> I don’t care what guys you sucked off when you were in high school.
> I don’t care about your feelings
> If you are not a hot chick who is going to suck my cock, I hate you.
>I just don’t CARE.
>I don’t care about your life, I don’t even like my own existence.

LEAVE ME ALONE

My birthday is in a couple of days, and a few people have asked me what I wanted.  I just respond …… leave me alone. It’s a simple gift, yet no one ever follows through.

I prefer to do things alone.

> I like to drink alone.
> I like to watch movies alone.
> I like to watch TV by myself.
> I like to listen to music alone.
> I prefer to be by myself … unless a whore is sucking on the end of my rod.  After I cum …… beat it bitch.  Hit the bricks.

I watch the movies, so you can apply to Walmart …. and get rejected.

Fired Up - … the director’s name is Will Gluck.  The star (Eric Christian Olsen) is a 31 year old douche, playing a high school douche.  These are the facts people.  Just the facts.

Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience - ……………………………. Oh I’m sorry for the delay, I was loading my Glock with 3 bullets.

Two Lovers - A more realistic movie would star: a man’s penis, and his right hand.

Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li - I’d wish I had the ability to throw a “hadouken” into that chinese bitches pussy.  Otherwise … this movie sucks

The Race to Witch Mountain - this movie’s good …. if your an 8 year old retard.

Miss March - to save time….. just buy a playboy or watch tube8

Knowing - I know this movie sucks.

Duplicity - Julia Roberts is in this movie.

I Love You Man - i love pussy and cheeseburgers …. not men

So I dragged my brother to the Jim Norton and Artie Lange Show in Upper Darby, PA.   AKA.  Niggerland.

Coming from the suburbs it was quite a change.  We got shit seats.  But we laughed a lot.

Jim Norton is the best.

Since our seats were awful.  We were one of the first out of the theater.  I was third in line for pictures of Jim.  My brother had his iPhone prepped and it came out perfect.

I’ve only met a few celebrities before.  Jimmy was by far the best.  Before I met him, some fucking asshole who needed a bullet in the brain, said “Hey, Jimmy … You Suck.”  I wish I had a glock to blast this long haired faggot mofo.  I guess Jimmy was used too it.

He shook my hand, he was signing books, taking pictures.  Damnit I should have brought my book .. lifelong regret.

Anyways I got a good picture.  Too bad I’m a fat douche.

So I haven’t posted in a while.  I know why ….  I’m a failure. Everyday I wake up, and I’m reminded of that fact.

I go in to work.  I walk in and look at the beautiful Russian girl in my office, and I’m just reminded of my failure.  There is a 100 percent chance that I will not fuck her. I just can’t do anything right.  My personality SUCKS.  My physical appearance sucks.  I’m not even sure why I haven’t invested in a shotgun and a single shell.

The only thing I’m good at is … failing at life.  I’m going to be twenty four.  I’m still living at home.  My life is a mess, I don’t have any money.  No prospects for a woman.   No future.

Nice.

and ………..

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I love my car.  I hate my car.

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I drive a Saturn. ………… Yeah … I know.

I have had it for 10 years … and I’ve spent a lot of time in my car.

> I drive to work 6 days a week.

> I work two jobs.  I have a one hour commute for one of them.

> I’ve been pulled over countless times for speeding.

> I have driven around the country listening to talk radio.

> I shave in my car with my dead grandfather’s Norelco Electric Razor.  He used it for one month then he died of some sort of cancer.  The BIG C ….. what a killa.

> I listen to metal at full blast; because my head unit has an Auxiliary (iPod) hookup.

> I eat in my car.  Some of the best times of my life, have been spent in the drive thru’s, and parking lots of burger joints.

> I have smoked thousands of Marlboro’s in my car.

> I have spent 9 hours in my car at a time.

> One time I was pulled over for a 100mph in a 55.

> I have smoked mass quantities of weed in my car.

> I have slept in my car overnight.

> My car has been broken into by a crackhead who: fucked up the backseat,  broke a window, and fucked up my radio.

> But, when I sit in my front seat.  I know it will fit me like a glove.  I haven’t changed it for years.

> I have had sex with a prostitute in my car.

> I did a a Kelly’s Bluebook value.  It’s worth the equivalent of a cartoon of Newports.

> After all this.  I would still smash it with a sledgehammer and feed it a Molotov cocktail.